The Everyday Wish of the Over-Thinker

Ever wish you could just shut off? To stop thinking about every little thing?
I have this problem where I over-analyze everything and it causes me such stress. Sometimes, I wish I could just flip the power switch in my psycho-analytic brain and stop reading into everything that everyone says. I believe I would be much happier. But I can't.
Am I alone here, or do other people feel the same way?
Anyway, I wrote a poem about it. How I wish I could just turn it all off...

The Everyday Wish of the Over-Thinker:

Can you tell your brain
To shut up for a minute?
To stop the analyzing
Of more than what is in it
To flip a simple switch
Would bring me such great joy
To turn off for a day
Like a little child's toy
The wheels, they crank and turn
And cause such agony
Finding hidden meanings in
What's meant to be funny
But you can't stop the voices
They nag and they prod
They make you think you're crazy-
You're the only one that's odd
To have a conversation
Without hidden agendas
That require my decoding,
Would bring the joy silence does
The brain will keep rambling
And say "did he mean that?"
It will tell you stupid things
Like: "he really thinks you're fat."
If I could shut it off
Even for a moment
My mind would be much saner,
But still without atonement
Alas, you cannot turn off
You only can tune out
But can't stop analyzing
That which you care about

He Failed To See

He failed to see just how

Beautiful he was that day

He'd never felt the love

He had so often given away

Heart-broken

Too many times before

He chose to lock it up

Before it again hit the floor

The mirror he gazed into

Reflected former flings

Girls he so admired

But pushed him aside for better things

Never seeing his true value,

He instead closed the gate

Tried to hide how much

He wallowed in self-hate

The mask he wears says "prideful"

The persona says "self-centered"

But the costume came to pieces

When, once, a caring soul entered

He failed to see just how

Very much he had

The soul that called him perfect

Could never be more sad

His beauty was a mystery

But to only his own eyes

When praised, he scoffed the praiser

Disregarding his own demise

Perhaps a day will come

When a like-hearted being

Will show him his true value

And he'll believe what they've been seeing

But still he remains

Ignorant and cold

Because from the right person,

What he longs for hasn't been told

The affection he received

Couldn't have felt more wrong

For he wasn't ready to give

What he'd wanted all along

Being called perfect

Seemed more like a curse

He wasn't ready to accept

That love makes one's vision worse

The crooked way he saw himself

Didn't deserve a title like such

For the one who spoke, he saw crookedly too

And he could never care as much

Dozens of girls he so admired

Yet when admired in the same way,

He failed to see how beautiful

He was to her that day

Toxic

toxic
adjective
1. of, pertaining to, affected with, or caused by a toxin or poison: a toxic condition.
2. acting as or having the effect of a poison; poisonous: a toxic drug.

When you read the word toxic (and its description), what comes to mind? One might say toxic chemicals, such as cleaning supplies, or toxic waste found in a hospital. However, I think the most accurate use of the adjective toxic is when it is used to describe people.

Some people are just toxic presences in your life. Look at that second description: acting as or having the effect of a poison. Now, certainly, people's behavior isn't going to cause you to choke, keel over, and die. But, just how toxic has several meanings, the word poison also has a few different descriptions. Let's take a look:

poison
noun
1. a substance with an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health.
2. something harmful or pernicious, as to happiness or well-being: the poison of slander.

Now I feel like we can all see the correlation. There are people in life that impair our emotional health, and are harmful to our happiness. They have the effects of poison and are therefore toxic. The hardest thing to do is to realize that certain people are toxic; they are causing you pain and harming your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, and they do not need to be part of your life.

This is something I've had to come to grips with recently. There is an individual in my life that I have continually forgiven and given second and third chances, only to experience the same torture each time I let them back in my life. Each time, I take a sip of the poison, am scorched by the toxicity, and suffer immense trauma. That person is destroying my emotional life, impairing my mental health, and harming my happiness. They are toxic. And it's time to lower the toxicity level in my life.

Sometimes in life we run across such toxic people. In the end, they do nothing but harm you. And it is absolutely okay to let them out of your life. It's hard to let people go. Obviously they were in your life for a reason; something drew you to them (or them to you). Yes, you shared good times; yes, they once made you happy. But after all is said and done, they have caused more harm than good. It's time to get them out of your system. You have to look out for yourself, and realizing that some people are toxic and don't need to be a part of your life is the first step toward emotional freedom and well-being.

Replace them with people who are the opposite of toxic:

wholesome

adjective

1. conducive to moral or general well-being; salutary; beneficial: wholesome recreation; wholesome environment.
2. conducive to bodily health; healthful; salubrious: wholesome food; wholesome air; wholesome exercise.

These are the people who have been there for you since the beginning and are always there for you. They probably tried to warn you about that toxic person in your life, because wholesome people are constantly looking out for your best interest and can sense when a harmful presence is venturing into their territory.

Listen to those wholesome presences in your life, and begin recognizing the toxic ones.

Toxic people will always cause you harm in the end because it's in their nature. You can't keep letting these toxic people back into your life, expecting it to turn out differently this time.

It is a fool who sips poison and expects to benefit from the experience.

Get that toxicity out of your life and finally allow yourself to heal.

Why Do I Care?

Why?

Why do I care about people who continually treat my like garbage?

Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke God plays, making us care for and love people who are just so awful for us. They hurt you, and you say, "That is it! I am so through with them! They don't deserve me and I'm out!" and then a couple days/weeks pass and you're wondering how they are. You see that their grandma is sick and you want to comfort them and ask if they're okay. But sooner or later, you remember why you swore them off in the first place. You begin to question and internalize everything: What did I do wrong? Why does my caring offend them so much? I have done nothing but love them; why do they continually push me away? 

I strongly believe that God gives us certain feelings for a reason. No, it's not just some cruel game. Sometimes He allows us to care deeply for people who couldn't care less about us, because that person needs love, whether they accept yours or not. And frankly, that's kind of how we treat Him. He loves us to no end, yet we ignore Him, curse Him, grow confused as to why He even loves us because we deserve nothing, etc. Perhaps loving the unlovable is just God giving us a taste of what we give Him everyday.

Eventually, I hope I see the bright side to all of this. For some reason, I care so strongly about this one individual who has tried and tried to push me away. They say that it isn't fair; that it's not right for me to care so much about them when they aren't willing to return the favor. It actually makes me sick for them to say that they can't be my friend because they don't deserve me, when I've already decided that they're worth my time. But I guess it would be suffocating for someone to care about you and want the best for you when you don't feel the same way....

But in all honesty, you are going to receive a lot of love in your life that you don't deserve. I mean, for Pete's sake, Christ gave up His life for you - a filthy rag. Stop telling yourself that you're undeserving of the affection that others show you. Even if that's true, it doesn't matter. Don't feel guilty that someone cares about you when you treat them like crap; be grateful that they're even willing to put up with you. Accept the love that others have to offer, 'cause there will be times when no one cares about you. Those are times when you'll wish that you had let those other people love on you while you had the chance. And you know what? There will be times when you care for someone who doesn't care for you. And you'll continue to love them because you know that they need it, because you needed it when you didn't want it.

Let others care for you, otherwise you'll never be able to care for others.

Keep caring for those who don't care, because caring for someone, no matter how painful, is always worth it when you consider the amount of love that you've been shown when you didn't deserve it.