You gradually take your baby steps. Moving an inch at a time. Finally, advancing in the right direction.
And then you take ten huge steps backward.
Ever been there? It's the most frustrating thing in the world. Progress takes time, perseverance, and yes, most of the time progress takes pain. And in one little slip, all that progress goes down the drain. But you get back up. You keep pushing. You inch your way toward the goal - however easily-attained or far-fetched that may be.
For some of us, however, and in some situations, this process is far more taxing and slow-moving than we think it should be.
Break-ups happen. Fallings out happen. Families separate. Friends disappear. People move. But do you move on?
You think you're doing so well: You're getting better about not dwelling on the past; you don't think about *them* all the time; you're making those baby steps toward emotional freedom.
Then you see a picture.
You recall a memory.
You get a text.
You find a note.
And it all comes crashing down.
Everything you'd been building up, all the strength you'd been gaining, every emotional milestone you made comes crumbling down around you and you feel like you're back at square one.
You take ten steps back.
Isn't it amazing how one little thing can bring a whole ocean of feelings back into your heart and completely consume your brain in a flood of grief and confusion?
One step forward, ten steps back.
So what do you do when your progress is ruined? Do you give up? Do you give in? Hypothetical questions are my favorite 'cause they imply a "right" answer, when we all know the true answer is not such.
The truth is, you can't unlive what you've experienced. As much as we wish that we could go back and erase some parts of the past, we can't. We have to deal with pain that the past causes. Even if that means fighting at every turn the urge to give in and slip back into a former state of mind.
So, maybe you do give up. Maybe you allow yourself to give in for a moment. Deal with the grief. Reflect on the good, along with the bad. Allow yourself to take those ten steps backward. You know why? 'Cause then you get the wonderful chance to retrace your steps of progress. And the more times you make that same, exhausting trek, the easier it becomes. No, it doesn't always become less painful, but eventually you find the right footing, you slip and then you avoid that pitfall next time; you continue to make baby steps, because you learn more when you take baby steps forward than when you turn around and sprint toward the past.
It may be an easy place to go, and you might find yourself going there out of familiarity and comfort from time to time, but the past will never show you how strong you are when you're forced to face the mountain ahead. And you know what? On the other side of that mountain is HEALING. FREEDOM. HOPE.
So take baby steps if you must. And take ten steps backward; it's okay. Because you learn in the journey, and whether you make it to the top of the mountain or not, you will grow. You will get stronger. You will get tired, but you will be FREE.
