If I Could Sit In My Car Forever...

About a year ago, I picked up this habit of sitting in my car for a good 10-20 minutes after I got home from work. I would pull up in front of my house and just sit there with the engine off. See, I knew that as soon as I walked inside my house, I would have to deal with my parents, my mountains of homework, and all the other stresses of life.
So instead, I would delay going inside for as long as practically possible. Sometimes I would browse social media, other times I would read my bible app, or maybe I was texting a friend. Then sometimes, I would just sit in my car and dwell in the intense silence that is only possible in a setting like that.
I used to find it so fascinating how if you sat really still, not making even a rustle of noise, the silence would steadily grow louder, until it was almost an overwhelming sensation of quiet noise. When everything is silent, every little noise is loud. Anyway, I really enjoyed those meditative minutes to myself.

Now, over a year later, at college, I don't get the luxury of pulling up to a quaint little house every night. I also rarely get time to be alone. So tonight, after dropping off a friend and finding a spot in the huge parking lot behind my residence hall, I turned off the car, and just sat there. It's been an especially rough day, and I needed a moment to be by myself. I was reminded of all the times I used to sit in my car at night, reflecting, crying, praying, meditating, thinking, and postponing the stress I would encounter once I opened that door.
So tonight, I sat in my special place of refuge, and breathed. Finally taking a moment to just be still. And then I wrote this poem:

If I could sit in my car forever I would. I would stay here And listen to the silence. Inside- Inside are my responsibilities And stresses Just waiting for me. So I would rather Stay here And sit in my car Where the worries of tomorrow And duties of tonight Cannot touch me Just yet. If I could sit in my car forever I would. I would stay here In my quiet kingdom Of peace and solitude And spend a moment Without the chaos That awaits me Inside. My secluded safe haven. My personal sanctuary. My solitary space. My car. If I could sit in my car forever I would. But the world so beckons And demands That I face its problems. I must leave This meditative encounter
Behind.
And so
Reluctantly I go
Inside.

Oh how I wish I could live in a perpetual state of the peace that I find sitting in my car at night, but alas, at some point, we all have to go inside.