God doesn't promise us a soul mate. He doesn't promise us a perfect marriage. Nowhere in the Bible does it say "Love God and He will provide you with an effortless relationship with the man/woman of your dreams."
So why do we keep acting like we're entitled by God to our ideal romance?
In essence, every relationship is just two incredibly imperfect people choosing to look past each other's imperfections and share in this imperfect life. Everything about this world is imperfect. That's why this is called earth and not heaven.
So why do we keep expecting a perfect individual to drop out of the sky and "complete" us with zero effort?
See, here's the thing: I don't think there's such a thing as a soul mate. I don't think there's one perfect person who I'm destined to be with. Yes, I'm destined to be with him in the sense that God knows the future and what will happen is willed by Him, but that's just the thing: whoever I end up with is who I was "destined" to be with.
I used to believe in the idea of a perfect soul mate. That there is someone out there who was made specifically for me. And while I do believe that there is someone out there who will understand me and make me happy, I also believe that many people could fill that role.
Many people fall into the trap of believing that there is one person out there that they're meant to be with, and they have to go out and find that individual. What a terrible amount of pressure that puts on us, doesn't it! And think about it: if you truly believe that there is only one person you could spend the rest of your life with, what's to keep you from constantly worrying that you've chosen the wrong one? What if "Mr. Right" came by but you missed him cause you were looking at "Mr. Now?!"
It's a good thing that it doesn't work that way.
I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Right is whomever you choose to be with. And many different people could be Mr. Right. I'm not trying to downplay the divinity of God's plan for you or how special finding a life partner is, but I'm just saying that no one is going to be that perfect person that you've been so longing for your entire life. You know why? Because he can't be Jesus. Humans are imperfect. That's kind of the name of the game.
We spend so much time fantasizing about the perfect romantic marriage that we believe we're entitled to, but that's not the way it works. Relationships are hard and they take work. So no matter who you choose to be with, it is going to take effort to have a successful relationship.
No one person is going to cause you to have a perfect relationship.
So, which imperfect candidate do you choose? Haha, I know: I little cynical. But I'm just trying to get across this point that human relationships weren't meant to be easy.
I'm so sick of people shrugging off their grief and disappointments about a broken relationship on God.
"Well, we just weren't meant to be. He wasn't the one God had planned for me. It didn't work out 'cause God has someone much better in mind."
No, it didn't work out 'cause you're two imperfect human beings who decided that the bads outweighed the goods in this one. And you know what? They always will, until you're willing to overlook enough of the bads and fight the rest of them. Because that's what a loving marriage is.
Now, I understand that some people aren't good matches for each other, and other people are totally compatible. But what if I told you that there are many people that you're compatible with? And what if I told you that in every single one of those relationships, you're going to want to give up. It's that one time that you finally decide that it's worth it to not give up and push through: that's "the one."
At some point, you just have to stop looking for that perfect person. You have to know and accept that there very well might be other people out there that you could spend the rest of your life with, but it doesn't very much matter to you anymore cause you found one of them. They're not perfect - that person doesn't exist - but they'll do. Well, they'll more than do.
You just have to stop looking. [Cause, I'll let you in on a little secret: he's not out there.]
Back to my original point. God doesn't promise us a perfect marriage/soul mate/partner. The end game in life is not marriage: it's to follow Christ with all we have and lead others to Him. Now, I wholeheartedly believe that marriage is part of God's desire for some of us, I just don't think that it's the top priority in our lives. And I also don't think marriage was ever meant to be perfect.
In one sense, in marriage, we get the chance to beautifully portray (if we do it right) how Jesus loves His bride - the church. But notice how that isn't the image of two perfect, compatible entities uniting. That's Christ - perfect holiness - refusing to let our sin and imperfection get in the way of his love for us. He had to work for us. He freaking died for us! And yet we still betray Him, refuse to believe Him, and ignore Him on the daily. Does that look like a perfect relationship to you? From Jesus' side it is. But that relationship requires work, and a whole lot of forgiveness. We have to pursue Christ, and He has to (chooses to, remarkably) love us despite our faults.
Now, of course our earthly relationships will never be anywhere near our relationships with Christ, but that's what we strive to portray in marriage - unconditional love (and submission) despite imperfections.
When Paul is talking to the church of Corinth about sexual relations, he basically says that it would be best for a man to be alone and stay physically pure (devoting all he has to the work of Christ). He suggests marriage only to say that a person should choose a spouse if he/she thinks that they will not be able to control their passions. AKA: If you don't think you can keep from being driven mad with sexual desires and end up shacking up with some random person, it would be best for you to get married so at least then, your sexual desires can be satisfied in a God-honoring fashion.
Doesn't sound very romantic, does it?
Marriage isn't the end-all of your existence - it's a beautiful, God-ordained experience, but it was never meant to be easy or perfect.
It's an opportunity to love someone else with a sliver of the love that Christ shows us, and to show someone else a sliver of the mercy He shows us every day.
Moral of the story: Mr. Right doesn't exist (and, just a hint, you're not Mrs. Right, either); choose your imperfect companion and stop waiting for miracle-man to drop from the sky; love that person with a God-filled love; work your tail off when things get tough, and never give up on the imperfect person you committed to.
Because Christ never gave up on that imperfect person He committed to when He died for you.
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