The Curse of Those Who Care Too Much

I'm realizing this sounds like the stereotypical response to that old interview question "What is your greatest weakness?"
"I care too much, I work too hard, etc."
But I think this is a real issue in many cases.
See, I, like many others, am cursed with a deep sense of care for others. At many times, this is a blessing because it means I want to listen to others and help them with their problems; I care deeply about their well being and overall happiness. However, caring too much becomes a problem and there are several downsides.

First, for those of us who "care too much," we tend to think about how others think and feel more than most. This can lead to hyper-over-analysis (something I struggle with all too severely). I care about how people feel - are they comfortable, am I annoying them, are they happy - but mostly related selfishly to how they feel about me. Because of this, I usually end up analyzing every little thing and making a bigger deal of it than what's actually going on. I just want people to be happy. But little things that other people might not think of as important are noticed by someone who cares too much. We sense tiny cues that give us an insight into what that person is thinking, and, unfortunately, sometimes we over-exaggerate and fabricate these cues and their meanings in our heads.

Related to my first point, people who care too much are often very concerned with how people view them. It really boils down to an issue of insecurity. I know that I care far too much about what other people think of me. I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I could just say "I am who I am, and I don't care what anyone else says!" but I would by lying to myself. Because I seek the meaningless approval of others everyday. Those of us who care too much can easily become consumed and overwhelmed by the need to please others. While other people can simply just shake it off if they can't meet someone's needs, to someone who cares too much, it's a big deal. I really can't stand to let people down. It makes me feel like crap, and it really gets to me. Like at work (I work in retail), I deal with some very difficult and grumpy customers. If I can't find what they want or I see that they're unhappy, it affects me. I feel really bad like I've let them down. I wish I could just shrug and say "Well, I did my best and that's all I could do." but I always end up feeling like that's not good enough. For those of us who care too much, letting others down is heart-breaking and, at least for me personally, it affects us physically. When I've disappointed someone, I feel emotionally and physically drained. Not to mention, I reflect on the situation for far too long, trying to figure out what could have been done differently.

Lastly, one of the major downsides of caring too much is that you usually end up caring about someone more than they care about you. Now, that's not always the case, but it sure feels like it. 'Cause to someone who cares too much, no response to a text means "Oh my gosh, they hate me. I must have annoyed them. Do they even like me? I should just stop talking to them altogether." Haha, I know this seems ridiculous, but that's what goes on in my brain every time (Yay for that over-analysis!). Then again, this may just be me, but I have a feeling it's a struggle for many others. To me, when I meet someone I really care about, I want to know how they are emotionally and what's going on in their life. I always end up feeling like a nag by texting them too much, never really sure how they feel about me. And sometimes, caring about others more than they care about you is a really serious issue, because you never feel fully fulfilled (lol). Someone who cares too much will always feel like relationships are lopsided, even if they're not. And that's because a person who cares too much is going to spend a lot of time thinking about the other person, and will likely make an effort to let that person know. Whereas the other person might not show how much they care, leading the person who cares too much to think that the other doesn't care. The best thing for someone who cares too much to do is find another person who cares too much. Care too much about each other! Haha! And don't be blind to those around you who really do care about you. Just because you feel like you care more than them, doesn't mean that they don't care a whole lot about you. People just express their emotions differently. Don't let the curse of caring too much hinder the relationships you have, as well as potential relationships you've yet to engage in.

The plus-side of caring too much is that positive acts and words of encouragement mean far more than you could imagine! The little things are huge and it doesn't take much to positively influence someone who cares too much. So, for those of you who have that friend that always seems to over-analyze or nag you about how you feel, just remember that their intentions are never to annoy you or pry into your business. They just care deeply about you. You mean so much to them, so remember that what you say is very important, and a little love can go a long way :)