Okay, since I feel like I already tell you (my non-existent blog audience [and friend]) everything, I might as well let you in on one more struggle. This one goes along with my struggle with loneliness (which you know by now, after reading my previous posts, is not true loneliness).
Anyways, I recently made a new friend. Great! Right? That's what you'd think. And for the most part, it has been great. Let's call this friend Mimi. See, Mimi and I really hit it off. She would talk to me when I was feeling down and it felt great to be appreciated. However, lately I've realized that I've been putting my happiness in Mimi's hands. It's like I'm relying on her to cheer me up, send me a message, make me feel loved.
But that's not fair.
Not to me, and not to my friend.
See, I can't be looking to Mimi for things she can't give me. She'll never be able to fulfill my deep longings, and I'll never be fulfilled.
In an effort to feel truly loved, I found myself constantly running to Mimi, and yet always feeling dissatisfied.
It wasn't until this morning at church that I really realized my problem.
Only God can bring me the true happiness I crave.
I know this is a controversial statement, but it's true. I have to stop letting others define who I am and dictate my happiness. No matter where I look, trying to fill the void in my heart with boys, friends, hobbies, etc., until I run to Jesus, I'll always be left unfulfilled.
His love is the only thing that can make me feel complete.
It's such a struggle, though, to not let myself become consumed by wanting to please others and gain their acceptance. Why does that matter so much to me, anyway? It is so easy to say "I don't care what others think about me" but the truth is, I care a lot. I care way too much. I want to be a part of something; included, accepted, belonging. So I am constantly seeking the approval of others. And even when I get it, I still feel like I'm not enough. You know why? Cause other peoples' approval doesn't matter. The only person I have to impress is Jesus. And you know the crazy thing about that? He knows the worst of me: my darkest thoughts, dirtiest sins, and yet He loves me anyway, enough to die for me. How crazy is that?! Mimi isn't going to die for me. If she knew the depths of my heart, she'd be repulsed! So I have to stop seeking false approval based on a false display to gain a false sense of importance!
Only God can give me importance in this world.
It's time I stop checking my phone every 2 minutes to see if I got a reply.
Stop checking facebook to see if they're online.
Stop wondering what they think of me.
Stop wondering if they think of me.
People are going to let me down every single day of my life! And you know the great thing about that? It pushes me to a God who will never fail. He is always there. I'm never alone.
My happiness is found in Him!
I realize this is more of a rant to myself. Sometimes I just have to talk it out to see the good advice I have for myself (that I rarely seem to take in the heat of the moment).
But perhaps you're struggling with this too.
Stop letting "Mimi" define your happiness. Don't let her dictate your sense of self-worth. Cause she'll end up making you feel like crap. That's just how humans are.
Until you realize that Jesus is the only perfect, unfailing fulfillment for your aching heart, you'll always be left wanting more.
Run to your Father who is waiting with arms wide open, ready to take you in, even when you're at your worst. (Thanks Daddy :)
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